Paul is a gamer. Not a serious one. Well he would like to say he is.
You could look at his collection of games and think he may take it seriously. Yet if you ever asked him about his collection of Xbox and PC games he wouldn't be able to tell you how any of them end. Except any Halo game or Fable 2.
He does play them he just never thinks they are good enough in comparison to his two favourites. He dislikes change but always seeks it. He is a very confused gamer.
I once watched him play a stealth game. He skipped all the tutorials as it had guns and had decided it would go exactly like Halo. Things don't go well.
Naturally in a sneaking, stealth game you should not confront the enemy. They have assault rifles and a lot of them. Paul had a tranq gun. Before going on his suicidal escapade he had only one question.
"Euan, what are the controls?"
This question was risen a lot especially when he was dangling off a bridge. I don't know why he was always ending up in this predicament but the button he would always press is the "drop" button. This ended in his death as usual.
It got worse when he found an assault rifle. He thought he could take them all down. It had the usual result and the added effect of him turning off the console in a huff. This is what usually happens when he plays a new game. Thus he only gets through the part of a game. He should really download demos more often because he would never complete them as well.
As I said he doesn't like change. He has played Fable 2 hundreds of times. A game were you can make hundreds of choices and play the game in a hundred different styles. Yet I find him not only being evil every time and using the same weapons but he would also use the same thing to attract a wife and buy the same house. This however never gets boring.
I have seen him try and be good before. It doesn't work. I don't know how hard it is to not beat your own fictional children but it is hard for Paul. He can waste hundreds of hours being good and waste it when he murders his family because his wife had another child. Yet he still refuses to use protection during sex. There isn't even a plus to having sex on the game.
He is quite the same in life. He doesn't like change. He has lived with me too long now. If he wants to go down to the shop or KFC or something he demands I be by his side. Just so the environment doesn't change too much. He doesn't even talk or have a conversational topic he just needs my company. This goes to the point where he will starve himself because I won't go with him. It is a serious problem.
I just hope he doesn't stumble across an assault rifle on the way to KFC and think it some sort of short cut or easy path to food.
I gotta go now because I am building a human pyramid. I told the people at the bottom they were there because they are the least important to me and the may ruin the whole thing. Not Jess though, just I said she was just a pretty little centrepiece at the bottom. Sucker.
Tuesday, 19 October 2010
Thursday, 14 October 2010
Imaginary Monkeys
It has been brought to my attention that there is a blog being written about me by a close friend.
Being the sort of guy I am I decided he needed one too! I mean he is as big a character.
Also please read the disclaimer I made as the first post because I know how he can interpret the most benign things as retaliation to set him up for a debate. (More on that in the disclaimer)
He wrote a blog today in fact. He actually loves writing. Just now he is role playing with a new friend. I think he mentioned something like it being his "friend of the day" on facebook. He seems to like Pauls material but is quite confused as to why he is here. He is now watching some very convincing material between Paul, and his girlfriend, Jess.
She is telling him he is not funny and he looks shocked, perplexed, offended and happy. In fact it is very good acting on his behalf. She also told me that only sad, lonely people eat pizza alone in the corner of the room in an armchair. Which is what I was doing. They both take his writing quite seriously. But I don't know why he would write that.
I think he likes to role play with his friend. His friend is playing a character called Pete. Paul uses this name often as a comic relief character. I think he has an unnatural fondness of it. He characterises him to make it seem like he respects food. Maybe a little too much.
Paul thinks he is a big head writer of a corporation with a team of smaller monkey writers around him. He is setting his team (himself) writing tasks. Trying to make a nice collaboration of work. I know monkeys is a typical thing to say but he thinks they are a good way to keep bananas away. His favourite monkey is Baz, who lives in a giant banana.
He isn't really a head writer, he is just doing English as some sort of degree. He isn't great but maybe with an imaginary team he could pull something together. And maybe Jess will stop having to do his work for him too.
I should go, apparently there is an emergency and someone got over excited with some mayo. And because Paul stocks these on the coffee table it is probably all our problem.
Being the sort of guy I am I decided he needed one too! I mean he is as big a character.
Also please read the disclaimer I made as the first post because I know how he can interpret the most benign things as retaliation to set him up for a debate. (More on that in the disclaimer)
He wrote a blog today in fact. He actually loves writing. Just now he is role playing with a new friend. I think he mentioned something like it being his "friend of the day" on facebook. He seems to like Pauls material but is quite confused as to why he is here. He is now watching some very convincing material between Paul, and his girlfriend, Jess.
She is telling him he is not funny and he looks shocked, perplexed, offended and happy. In fact it is very good acting on his behalf. She also told me that only sad, lonely people eat pizza alone in the corner of the room in an armchair. Which is what I was doing. They both take his writing quite seriously. But I don't know why he would write that.
I think he likes to role play with his friend. His friend is playing a character called Pete. Paul uses this name often as a comic relief character. I think he has an unnatural fondness of it. He characterises him to make it seem like he respects food. Maybe a little too much.
Paul thinks he is a big head writer of a corporation with a team of smaller monkey writers around him. He is setting his team (himself) writing tasks. Trying to make a nice collaboration of work. I know monkeys is a typical thing to say but he thinks they are a good way to keep bananas away. His favourite monkey is Baz, who lives in a giant banana.
He isn't really a head writer, he is just doing English as some sort of degree. He isn't great but maybe with an imaginary team he could pull something together. And maybe Jess will stop having to do his work for him too.
I should go, apparently there is an emergency and someone got over excited with some mayo. And because Paul stocks these on the coffee table it is probably all our problem.
Disclaimer
This blog is merely for the amusement me and a small group of friends. It is not factual and is a little bit of an in joke. All character and events may be fictitious but probably aren't. Unless you are offended in which case they are.
Now if you are in on this little in joke you would understand this blog is actually in response to another one in which I, the writer, am subject to fictional abuse. So this blog is the same. And is fair. But because of my experience of interaction with my own subject I know that this may be a little hard for him.
It is not that he can't take what he gives out (well it is) but that he is sometimes unstable and will use anything as a point in an argument to prove my whole life is against him. Not that our relationship is unstable but that arguing is his hobby. He prides himself on it and people who have never met him and disagree on a point, no matter how trivial, will be flung into a debate that makes it look like the world is close to ending and this argument is the tipping point.
He may have no passion or prior knowledge of the subject but he can and will still push it and usually end up bewildering the person when he stops making sense but somehow still wins.
So that is why I have a disclaimer, because despite it being exactly what I have been receiving for the past 3 years he may still claim this is an attack on his life, his purpose and overall being.
YOU CAN'T USE THIS AGAINST ME!
P.s. I would like to point out that he has not suppressed my life in any way and I am not paranoid because of said (fictional and paranoid on your part) suppression.
Now if you are in on this little in joke you would understand this blog is actually in response to another one in which I, the writer, am subject to fictional abuse. So this blog is the same. And is fair. But because of my experience of interaction with my own subject I know that this may be a little hard for him.
It is not that he can't take what he gives out (well it is) but that he is sometimes unstable and will use anything as a point in an argument to prove my whole life is against him. Not that our relationship is unstable but that arguing is his hobby. He prides himself on it and people who have never met him and disagree on a point, no matter how trivial, will be flung into a debate that makes it look like the world is close to ending and this argument is the tipping point.
He may have no passion or prior knowledge of the subject but he can and will still push it and usually end up bewildering the person when he stops making sense but somehow still wins.
So that is why I have a disclaimer, because despite it being exactly what I have been receiving for the past 3 years he may still claim this is an attack on his life, his purpose and overall being.
YOU CAN'T USE THIS AGAINST ME!
P.s. I would like to point out that he has not suppressed my life in any way and I am not paranoid because of said (fictional and paranoid on your part) suppression.
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